Corporal Brown's Lucky Guys Late Lime

The following story is true:

Back in 2002 an old friend and I had a troubling experience. In these times it seems almost sacrilege to make fun of trauma. Still, the following rendition is exactly how it went down to my recollection. It comes out funny because nobody died or was raped or robbed.

So may I introduce to you the act you've known for all these years, Corporal Brown's Lucky Guys Late Lime!

Our heroes are having a drink, other guests have departed and the conversation has become deeper. The candles have all mostly burned down and the music is muted.

Suddenly, real action!

PAUL: (taking off over the back of the couch and running out of the room towards the stairs outside) OGODOGODOGODOGODAHAHAAAAAOGODOGOD!

Geoff looks up from his canvas chair at a small caliber pistol barrel (is that a toy? he thinks). Two young men are facing him, menacingly pointing what he assumes to be guns. Both have their faces covered over the nose with scarves, like old time cowboys up to no good, red scarf on the one closer to him, he's taller than the other one, big nose, both in jeans, tee shirts and sneakers.

Geoff is mildly suprised to find himself facing such a situation, but retains his calm. The men say nothing, continuing to point their weapons at him. He has had quite a few rums and it seems fitting to say:

GEOFF: Well, one man out, so I think you should back off.

To his delight and suprise, that is exactly what the would-be robbers do: they both walk backward toward the balcony, jump over, and are gone. Meanwhile, Paul continues to bellow on the stairs outside. Geoff gets to his feet and walks out to the balcony, looks out and sees nobody. The crisis is over.

PAUL: Geoff, Geoff yuh aright Geoff? GEOFF! GEOFF!

GEOFF: Yeh Paul is okay, they gone.

PAUL: Oh God, O God...

GEOFF: Is okay Paul. You could come back down.

Paul descends the stairs and reenters the apartment, but remains poised to run again.

PAUL: Oragh! Oragh! Geoff! Oh God Geoff.

GEOFF: Is okay Paul, calm yuself, is over.

PAUL: Uh never coming up on Fort George again. Never! AH! AH!

GEOFF: Have a drink and calm yuself.

PAUL: Buh Geoff, yuh doe know, this is the third time that something bad happen to me on Fort George. Uh never coming back here again.

Geoff begins to close and lock the wrought iron gate between the living room and the patio.

GEOFF: I better lock up.

PAUL: Aragh! Aragh! What a scene! O God Geoff.

GEOFF: Les have a drink.

PAUL: No, no uh doe want a drink. Aragh!

GEOFF: Try to relax, Paul. Is over. We safe. We better lock the gate.

Geoff moves to the front gate and retreving the keys locks it.

GEOFF: They might try to come back that way.

Geoff sits down in the same place he was when the incident began.

GEOFF: Le'e take a drink.

PAUL: Uh doe want no drink. Uh not coming back on Fort George ever again.

GEOFF: Cool yuself nuh Paul, is alright.

Our heroes then settle down, and yes, Paul did have another drink and yes too, he has been back, for as said, that incident took place in 2002 and by the karma of Corporal Brown's Lucky Guys Late Lime our heroes have both lived to tell the tale and sail the seas of life into 2009 and perhaps beyond.

On occasion, levity is a good vehicle of expression.